Question of the Day-Can you really turn coal into a diamond?
I am remember a singles discussion I went to at a co-workers church and they said sometimes the person that you are with can be coal but with some patience you never know, they could turn out to be a diamond. Coal turns into a diamond a lot of heat and pressure is needed. Now lets related this to men. So you have this man that you may love and he is a like coal and sometimes you see a little shimmer come through ever once and again. You have kept at it for a long time...so...when is the diamond going to appear? Or...I know the saying is everything that glitters isn't gold...how about everything that glitters isn't truly a diamond...could just be a cubic zirconia. I want a oh so sparkly diamond in which I have to shield my eyes or put on classes due to the blinding shimmer. I hope that I cannot see very soon...
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Typing Away...
I just noticed that I havent written in my blog in forever. It is currently 1:51 am in the morning and I just cannot sleep at all. I have a friend tonight, call him a little a hole...mouse that is currently infiltrating my apartment. I have already caught two of this friends...the one had to go after it nibbled on my finger. Yes...nibbled on my finger. Had some nice porkchops one night, fast asleeep...and jumped up and ran to the bathroom. Much to my...not surprise by horror my finger was bleeding. Yes, I got a tentanus shot at work just in case but come to find out, mice do not really carry rabies. What else...my crazy neighbors. They are always fighting above me for some reason and I just want them to shut up. How about you yell at each other during business hours...as in the hours that I am actually at work. So between them yelling until 2 in the morning and the guy that was playing music at eight am...i have no idea how I am going to get some sleep. Looks like I need to send a letter to my landlord...I need exterminator pronto and I need letter to out to the other tenants to tell them to keep quiet. I refuse to go to the store and buy ear plugs when I am paying for an entire floor in a town home. I guess I am just on edge today just because of some of the things that have happened over the last few weeks...hmm...where do I begin...
You never think that you will ever feel that love like that 1st crush that you had elementary school. I still remember the guy that I loved in the elementary school, Tony, red headed kid with freckles and this one wart on his finger. Oh yes, it must have been the wart that made me fall in love. Middle school there was Dwayne, black boy with a nice fade...who I loved that little boy but he would not give me the time of day cause I could carry a mean tune on my clarinet. And high school, David who is still a good friend of mine today, he actually gave me the time of day after high school, we parted ways, he got married, divorced...and in the navy. He will always be a good friend on mine. But now I have someone else...lets call him...the flyer. I am saying that name because others know him as something else. There has been a lot of drama in our relationship but I still cannot seem to let go and that is because I refuse to. So I feel like I have that same feeling like I did with Tony. I really care about him and I believe, well I hope I believe that all of my caring is not in vain. He is not really like the men that I usually date...as in credentials. I don't date men with children and without education. He has two children and is working on getting his bachelors which is admirable. We will just have to see how it goes, I dont really want to get into the drama that has happened because that would be a million pages and most of the drama is not on the account of me. I just know at this point, when guys try to talk to me on the street I look at them like they are cross eyed b/c I have a stamp on my chest saying that I belong to the flyer and they can't read. I just decided to stop my netflix movie and listen to the crazies upstairs, the woman that lives up there is accusing the guy upstairs of having sex with someone else...raw none the less. Opps...busted brother. This is better than jerry springer...ease dropping. The sad thing about it is there is a little girl lives up there and she has to hear that all the time. I am a product of a broken home and yelling and it definitely does something to your mental. It definitely doesn't just go in one ear and out the other, it affects you to the root to your future relationships. Back to what I was talking about...until they start yelling loudly again and I keep ya in the loop. My girlfriend and I were talking the other day about the absence of a male figure in your life and how that effects your relationships. I think that is absolutely true, the flyer is a challenge for me. He reminds me of my father a lot...well he used to with the constant breaking of promises and not willing to truly open up to tell me "what was really good" for lack of better words. Now, he has really opened up to me a lot. I do not know if that is because he has left the baggage (yes I am way flier than that one) or what but I am happy with the man that I am with. I still get a little nervous because I have been confronted at my front door and followed by a certain special (ED) someone before. I hate confrontation soo soo soo much, I cannot even exhausted how many soo to put on that one. (Side bar, I think that the guy left...think I heard someone going down the stairs, probably tired of arguing) This evening on the way home, I pulled to park on the street and someone pulled right up in back of me...I got so nervous that I began to shake. He told me to call the police if I am ever confronted again and I have that number on speed dial. I really feel bad for her because she had a preconceived notion that they were going to be together b/c they had a child. The funny thing about it is that she said to me, don't you know we have a child. Um..yes...just like you knew he had a child when he starting talking to you. But of course I didnt say that, I let her go into her rant and I stayed with my mind on the Lord. I think that I have been able to make it through with a lot of prayer and before I go into different situations...I just say please Lord let the meditations of my mouth be acceptable...and I never had to act out of turn. The devil is a liar. I told him to handle it, and of course like all men do, yes I have spoken to a elder about this, they hope that it will just breeze over without having to say anything. I do not think that this is the case in this situation. The other day I told him that I am not just dating him to date him but I am dating him for keeps and now when we have a disagreement it is not how it used to be. He used to be like, well I can not handle this but now he is attempting to appease my feelings and work it out and that is how it is supposed to be. There really should be a situation to me when I am in this deep that we just part ways. He is the reason for that situation going that far so he should take care of it. I feel bad b/c as he said they have not spoken...which means that he has not had contact with his child...and I am in the middle of that. I think that it is very important for him to see child so hopefully the bridge will be built over that trouble water soon. I told him that he really needs to let her know the deal. She told me that he has been calling her to get back with her and stay at her place and she was asking me all of these questions...like...does he say that you guys are in a relationship? have you met his family? Blah, blah, blah. For some reason I was being labeled as a jump of by someone that does not have my credentials. Yes I have met his family, yes I am in a relationship with him, yes he does hold me when I am upset, yes I have met your child (which was wrong b/c he should have discussed it with her first), yes I have been seen and introduced. I'm not being cocky, I'm just saying. If a man is going to cheat then he is going to cheat. If he wants to be with you he will be with you. If he wants to be with me, then he will be with me...and guess where he is...with me. But anyways, back to the shaking story about thinking that someone was following. So I drove around for about 30 minutes w/ him on the phone telling him that I was not going in the house and asking him repeatedly even though I already knew what type of car she drove. He came from where he was and drove around to see if she was there. After the one incident of her following me, I was so nervous and someone rang my door two times...he came from his house to look around. Now if he is "with" he then that is a whole lot of fronting and my mind capacity would not fathom that he would do all that. If I was in that situation and I was still with her but with me too...I would be like, chill out everything is alright, ttyl. After a while the whole situation gets really stupid, but what is nice is that I used to always think that he was not fighting for me. He told me, "don't you know that I would never let anything happen to you." Those words always go back and forth in my head just like my favorite love song. With our relationship I used to always think of that Bonnie Raitt song that says " I can't make you love me if you don't, you can't make your heart feel something it won't...". Oh yea, Special (Ed) broke into his face book, sent me an email and confronted me by saying that I sounded desperate. I probably did because we were in an argument at the time and I went home. But the thing was...it was not for your eyes. The second thing was...it worked. Third thing is...he is with me. So, wipe your mouth..your drooling. It is funny how I went from Christian to spiteful that quick...you know when people sin and you someone points it out...people ways say "Well, the Lord is still working on me"...haha what a cop out. That really made me laugh a loud. Well so I think that I am going to get up in a few hours and clean house, he didnt stay tonight but he will stay tomorrow. I usually make something good to eat but he does not always eat it. The other day I made...pork chops with Parmesan crust..but he ate a steakem first. I guess I am going to be that type of conventional wife...here hunny I made this for you cause I knew you liked it...but maybe not because when he does not eat it I trying to make him. (Update, the guy didnt leave the apartment-he is still getting a tongue lashing) But I like to do some little things for him and I really love it when he does them for me. The other day when I was off of work he actually called me and said, I'm outside, I'm sure that you didn't want to say inside all day. Now usually I do always want to do something but this time I did plan on getting some things done around the house. But he drove us to the movies. And then the other day he said...hey do you want to go and do something? So I suggested the movies which is the other thing to do in this boring state but instead we drove and get cheesesteaks (which I can steak Jerrys Sub and Pizza is better than any cheesesteak that I have ever had) from the cheesesteak capital of the world and then some frozen yogurt from Ikea. Then later that evening we went to the movie. What!! What a great day...what did I do. I know that I made sure that I looked nice, I know that much. But all in all, I really care for this man and he is actually being a good man and listening to me when I am down. When I was upset one day when we were laying in the I asked him to hold me and he wrapped his arm around me so tight and nestled his face into my hair (or headwrap-make sure you throw those in the wash once in a while) and it was so lovely. I am starting this year to see the glass half full. The man said at church that maybe you should not always give up on someone...they may start out as coal but with just the right amount of heat and pressure (yea I can do that) a beautiful shiny diamond can be created. So...maybe I will have one on my finger in a few years. No rush to the alter but I want platinum or white gold, princess cut, 1 carat or more. I do ! lol. Anyways, I think that is enough for the night, I officially have carpal tunnel... Peace and Blessings! xoxoxo
You never think that you will ever feel that love like that 1st crush that you had elementary school. I still remember the guy that I loved in the elementary school, Tony, red headed kid with freckles and this one wart on his finger. Oh yes, it must have been the wart that made me fall in love. Middle school there was Dwayne, black boy with a nice fade...who I loved that little boy but he would not give me the time of day cause I could carry a mean tune on my clarinet. And high school, David who is still a good friend of mine today, he actually gave me the time of day after high school, we parted ways, he got married, divorced...and in the navy. He will always be a good friend on mine. But now I have someone else...lets call him...the flyer. I am saying that name because others know him as something else. There has been a lot of drama in our relationship but I still cannot seem to let go and that is because I refuse to. So I feel like I have that same feeling like I did with Tony. I really care about him and I believe, well I hope I believe that all of my caring is not in vain. He is not really like the men that I usually date...as in credentials. I don't date men with children and without education. He has two children and is working on getting his bachelors which is admirable. We will just have to see how it goes, I dont really want to get into the drama that has happened because that would be a million pages and most of the drama is not on the account of me. I just know at this point, when guys try to talk to me on the street I look at them like they are cross eyed b/c I have a stamp on my chest saying that I belong to the flyer and they can't read. I just decided to stop my netflix movie and listen to the crazies upstairs, the woman that lives up there is accusing the guy upstairs of having sex with someone else...raw none the less. Opps...busted brother. This is better than jerry springer...ease dropping. The sad thing about it is there is a little girl lives up there and she has to hear that all the time. I am a product of a broken home and yelling and it definitely does something to your mental. It definitely doesn't just go in one ear and out the other, it affects you to the root to your future relationships. Back to what I was talking about...until they start yelling loudly again and I keep ya in the loop. My girlfriend and I were talking the other day about the absence of a male figure in your life and how that effects your relationships. I think that is absolutely true, the flyer is a challenge for me. He reminds me of my father a lot...well he used to with the constant breaking of promises and not willing to truly open up to tell me "what was really good" for lack of better words. Now, he has really opened up to me a lot. I do not know if that is because he has left the baggage (yes I am way flier than that one) or what but I am happy with the man that I am with. I still get a little nervous because I have been confronted at my front door and followed by a certain special (ED) someone before. I hate confrontation soo soo soo much, I cannot even exhausted how many soo to put on that one. (Side bar, I think that the guy left...think I heard someone going down the stairs, probably tired of arguing) This evening on the way home, I pulled to park on the street and someone pulled right up in back of me...I got so nervous that I began to shake. He told me to call the police if I am ever confronted again and I have that number on speed dial. I really feel bad for her because she had a preconceived notion that they were going to be together b/c they had a child. The funny thing about it is that she said to me, don't you know we have a child. Um..yes...just like you knew he had a child when he starting talking to you. But of course I didnt say that, I let her go into her rant and I stayed with my mind on the Lord. I think that I have been able to make it through with a lot of prayer and before I go into different situations...I just say please Lord let the meditations of my mouth be acceptable...and I never had to act out of turn. The devil is a liar. I told him to handle it, and of course like all men do, yes I have spoken to a elder about this, they hope that it will just breeze over without having to say anything. I do not think that this is the case in this situation. The other day I told him that I am not just dating him to date him but I am dating him for keeps and now when we have a disagreement it is not how it used to be. He used to be like, well I can not handle this but now he is attempting to appease my feelings and work it out and that is how it is supposed to be. There really should be a situation to me when I am in this deep that we just part ways. He is the reason for that situation going that far so he should take care of it. I feel bad b/c as he said they have not spoken...which means that he has not had contact with his child...and I am in the middle of that. I think that it is very important for him to see child so hopefully the bridge will be built over that trouble water soon. I told him that he really needs to let her know the deal. She told me that he has been calling her to get back with her and stay at her place and she was asking me all of these questions...like...does he say that you guys are in a relationship? have you met his family? Blah, blah, blah. For some reason I was being labeled as a jump of by someone that does not have my credentials. Yes I have met his family, yes I am in a relationship with him, yes he does hold me when I am upset, yes I have met your child (which was wrong b/c he should have discussed it with her first), yes I have been seen and introduced. I'm not being cocky, I'm just saying. If a man is going to cheat then he is going to cheat. If he wants to be with you he will be with you. If he wants to be with me, then he will be with me...and guess where he is...with me. But anyways, back to the shaking story about thinking that someone was following. So I drove around for about 30 minutes w/ him on the phone telling him that I was not going in the house and asking him repeatedly even though I already knew what type of car she drove. He came from where he was and drove around to see if she was there. After the one incident of her following me, I was so nervous and someone rang my door two times...he came from his house to look around. Now if he is "with" he then that is a whole lot of fronting and my mind capacity would not fathom that he would do all that. If I was in that situation and I was still with her but with me too...I would be like, chill out everything is alright, ttyl. After a while the whole situation gets really stupid, but what is nice is that I used to always think that he was not fighting for me. He told me, "don't you know that I would never let anything happen to you." Those words always go back and forth in my head just like my favorite love song. With our relationship I used to always think of that Bonnie Raitt song that says " I can't make you love me if you don't, you can't make your heart feel something it won't...". Oh yea, Special (Ed) broke into his face book, sent me an email and confronted me by saying that I sounded desperate. I probably did because we were in an argument at the time and I went home. But the thing was...it was not for your eyes. The second thing was...it worked. Third thing is...he is with me. So, wipe your mouth..your drooling. It is funny how I went from Christian to spiteful that quick...you know when people sin and you someone points it out...people ways say "Well, the Lord is still working on me"...haha what a cop out. That really made me laugh a loud. Well so I think that I am going to get up in a few hours and clean house, he didnt stay tonight but he will stay tomorrow. I usually make something good to eat but he does not always eat it. The other day I made...pork chops with Parmesan crust..but he ate a steakem first. I guess I am going to be that type of conventional wife...here hunny I made this for you cause I knew you liked it...but maybe not because when he does not eat it I trying to make him. (Update, the guy didnt leave the apartment-he is still getting a tongue lashing) But I like to do some little things for him and I really love it when he does them for me. The other day when I was off of work he actually called me and said, I'm outside, I'm sure that you didn't want to say inside all day. Now usually I do always want to do something but this time I did plan on getting some things done around the house. But he drove us to the movies. And then the other day he said...hey do you want to go and do something? So I suggested the movies which is the other thing to do in this boring state but instead we drove and get cheesesteaks (which I can steak Jerrys Sub and Pizza is better than any cheesesteak that I have ever had) from the cheesesteak capital of the world and then some frozen yogurt from Ikea. Then later that evening we went to the movie. What!! What a great day...what did I do. I know that I made sure that I looked nice, I know that much. But all in all, I really care for this man and he is actually being a good man and listening to me when I am down. When I was upset one day when we were laying in the I asked him to hold me and he wrapped his arm around me so tight and nestled his face into my hair (or headwrap-make sure you throw those in the wash once in a while) and it was so lovely. I am starting this year to see the glass half full. The man said at church that maybe you should not always give up on someone...they may start out as coal but with just the right amount of heat and pressure (yea I can do that) a beautiful shiny diamond can be created. So...maybe I will have one on my finger in a few years. No rush to the alter but I want platinum or white gold, princess cut, 1 carat or more. I do ! lol. Anyways, I think that is enough for the night, I officially have carpal tunnel... Peace and Blessings! xoxoxo
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Waves Crash
This year coming has to be better than the current. Currently I feel I am at the beach as the sun comes over the horizon with my toes freshly tucked into the sand before the waves crash pulling me deeper and deeper. The slap of the wave crashing up against my legs stings a little but it is definitely not enough for me to take a step back. The wave recedes as I keep my eyes on the sun as it slowly rises to the beautiful sky without noticing that I am sinking deeper into the sand. Slap, the waves hit my legs again with a stinging feeling that I could do without but I keep my eyes on the lovely sunlight peaking in the far distant. I am sinking slower into the sand...up to my knees but I have not lost my sight. One last wave crashes into me, sends me staggering to my knees, mouth full of salt water and I missed the sun rise to its position in the blue sky. That is how 2009 has been for me. I have kept my eyes on something beautiful but one last crash causes me to falter.
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